Have you ever responded negatively to a situation and just thought “why is this affecting me so strongly?” Or maybe you’ve had trouble breaking a habit or changing a behavior. You might have low self-esteem and constantly beat yourself up, or maybe you can’t seem to shake the anxiety and depression that have been causing you suffering. At the root of all these things might be negative core beliefs.
What are negative core beliefs?
Core beliefs are the beliefs that we have about ourselves, others, and the world. We typically form these core beliefs in childhood based on our experiences, both positive and negative. Everybody ends up with some positive and some negative core beliefs, but for some, the negative ones can be quite strong and lead to mental health distress. People with negative core beliefs tend to show symptoms of:
OCD
Low Self-Esteem
Insomnia
Mood Disorders
Personality Disorders
Most negative core beliefs follow a few different parameters:
They're often subconscious - we may not realize we believe them until we start exploring what's driving our thoughts and behavior
We don't necessarily believe them all the time - a certain situation might provoke one of our core beliefs
They can sometimes be self-fulfilling prophecies, for example: "If I believe no one cares about me then I won't interact with many people because it isn't worth their effort"
They show some telltale signs in the form of thoughts, for example: "I'll never find a partner to love me" could be caused by a core belief such as I'm unlovable, I'm broken, I'm defective, etc
What are some common negative core beliefs?
Helpless Core Beliefs: I'm incompetent, I'm ineffective, I can't do anything right, I'm helpless, I'm powerless, I'm weak, I'm vulnerable, I'm needy, I'm out of control, I'm a failure, I'm a loser
Unlovable Core Beliefs: I'm unlovable, I'm unlikeable, I'm undesirable, I'm unattractive, I'm unwanted, I'm different, I'm bad, I'm defective, I'm not good enough for love, I'm bound to be rejected, I'm bound to be abandoned, I'm bound to be alone
Worthless Core Beliefs: I'm worthless, I'm unacceptable, I'm bad, I'm a waste, I'm immoral, I'm toxic, I'm evil, I don't deserve to live
These are just a few examples of common core beliefs that therapists see often in their clients, but you might come up with one that's not on this list! The important thing is that you come up a couple core beliefs that really resonate with you and feel true for you deep down. Then you can start working on changing them. It's important to note that while the word we use does matter when it comes to identifying what those core beliefs are, what's most important is getting clear on the feeling we have about ourselves. The label we use to describe a belief is really describing an overall sense that we have of who we believe we are.
Why do we have negative core beliefs?
In this section, we'll look at what causes negative core beliefs.
Negative core beliefs are formed as a response to life experiences. The most common way that people form a negative core belief is through childhood trauma or adverse experiences. For example, a child may have a parent who belittled them or made them feel ashamed of themselves. As they grow older, they may begin to believe that they're not good enough and are worthless—even if no one has told them so explicitly!
Negative core beliefs can also be formed in adulthood in response to traumatic events or even just painful interactions. Everyone has different responses to difficult life events, and for some people, these events will reshape their sense of self and what they believe. Trauma will almost always bring with it some kind of negative core belief.
Once the seed of a core belief is planted, it is strengthened through the process of cognitive bias. This means we take in evidence that supports what we already believe, and discount or ignore evidence that refutes what we already believe. This process happens unconsciously. As an example, someone with the core belief "I am worthless" might strengthen that core belief if they encounter someone who doesn't hold the door for them, but will overlook all of the times that someone does hold the door for them.
How do I change my negative core beliefs?
The first step in changing your negative core beliefs is to identify them. If you're not sure what they are after looking at the list above, try journaling. Identifying common negative thought patterns of yours will serve as a great clue for what your core beliefs might be. When in doubt, a therapist can help you identify and change core beliefs!
Once you know what your negative core beliefs are, start collecting evidence that refutes them. A good habit is to collect at least 3 pieces of evidence at the end of every day. For example, someone with the core belief "I'm unlovable" might collect: 1. A stranger smiled at me today 2. My friend texted me 3. My coworker told me I did a good job. You might find this activity quite difficult, and if so that's ok! Core beliefs took a long time to solidify, and they will take some time and effort to change.
Experience is the most powerful change agent:
Reflect on past experiences that refute your core belief and relive these experiences with all of your sense (i.e. see the scene, hear the sounds, smells the smells, etc)
Create new experiences that give you the opportunity to see new evidence.
Identify some behaviors that are a direct result of this negative core belief and try to find alternatives
Start building positive core beliefs
Now that you know what your negative core beliefs are, it's time to start building positive ones. To do this, begin by naming the positive opposite. It can be the obvious choice, such as "I'm unlovable" -> "I'm lovable", or it can be more creative if different wording resonates with you, for example: "I'm unlovable" -> "I'm a whole human."
In addition to collecting evidence that refutes your negative belief, you can collect evidence that supports the positive one. There will be overlap, but it helps to look at it from both angles. You can also practice "acting as-if," meaning that even if you don't really believe your positive core belief, take the actions of someone who does. Using the above example, what would someone who believes they are lovable do when meeting a new person? Maybe they would stand up straight, confidently shake their hand, make eye contact, etc. Give yourself opportunities to BE your positive core belief.
An Asheville Mental Health Therapist Can Help You Address Negative Core Beliefs?
If you feel like these beliefs are overwhelming and keeping you stuck, there’s no shame in seeking professional help. Reach out to us for a free consultation today! Our team of caring therapists is happy to offer support from our Asheville-based practice. You can receive support in building more positive core beliefs by following these simple steps:
Meet with a caring therapist
Start improving your mental health!
Other Services Offered with Strive On Counseling
Our team understands you may experience a number of mental health concerns as you navigate negative core beliefs. This is why we are happy to offer a variety of mental health services at Strive On Counseling. Mental health services offered include individual counseling, anxiety treatment, EMDR trauma therapy, therapy for men’s issues, mindfulness, Buddhist counseling, cognitive behavioral therapy, teletherapy/online therapy. Some other resources we offer include guided meditations, supplements, a list of books and other useful resources, and online courses. If you would like more information about any of these services, please reach out today, and start doing therapy in North Carolina!