“You are so mature for your age” isn’t always a compliment. Some children are put in situations in which they have no choice but to grow up fast. This is sometimes referred to as parentification and has lasting impacts following the child into adulthood.
What is Parentification?
Parentification is a role reversal in which a child assumes responsibilities that are usually reserved for adults. Some situations that might foster this dynamic include parental substance use and mental health problems, health complications, divorce, and the death of a parent.
Growing up can feel glamorous and exciting when you are a kid. But there is a difference between admiring adulthood and being forced into an adult-like role by necessity.
The Impact of Parentification on Children
Children who are parentified have many strengths— they are often resilient, resourceful, high-achieving, and caring. This can cause their situation to fly under the radar and be overlooked because they are “good kids.” This also gives parents an excuse to look the other way and keep the patterns of parentification alive.
The impact of parentification on children can be profound. Children who have to take on adult responsibilities may experience emotional, physical, and mental health concerns as a result of exposure to stress. Children who grow up too fast may have difficulty connecting with peers their age because they feel misunderstood, or find it hard to play and let loose. These children learn to ignore their own feelings and need to meet the needs of their parents and/or siblings.
The Impact of Parentification in Adulthood
The effects of parentification often bleed into adulthood. Adults who experienced this phenomenon often struggle with low self-esteem and have difficulty meeting their own needs. They might find it hard to set boundaries and find themselves in situations where they put all their energy into caring for other people. Individuals who have been parentified may also find it difficult to trust others because they learned that people are not reliable in the past.
Where do we go from here?
If you notice patterns in your life that seem to arise from being parentified as a child— like having trouble setting boundaries or feeling as though others take advantage of your generosity— it may be helpful for you to reflect on this and explore how it might relate to this experience. Bringing awareness to your patterns is the first step in changing them and seeing yourself as a parent. You might find talking with a therapist or exploring the concept of “reparenting” to be helpful.
Begin Working With Asheville Therapists for Mental Health Support Today!
We hope that you're now better equipped to make sense of the phenomenon of parentification and its impact on our lives. If you feel like your childhood was defined by this experience, take heart in knowing that you are not alone — and there are ways to heal from it! Our team of caring therapists would be honored to support you with in-person and online therapy services across the state. We are happy to offer support from our Asheville, NC-based practice and across North Carolina. You can start your therapy journey, by following these simple steps:
Meet with a caring therapist
Start addressing the effects of parentification!
Other Therapy Services Offered with Strive On Counseling
As Asheville therapists, we understand that every individual has a unique set of mental health needs. This is why we are happy to offer many forms of therapy. These services include individual counseling, anxiety treatment, EMDR trauma therapy, therapy for men’s issues, mindfulness, Buddhist counseling, cognitive behavioral therapy, teletherapy / online therapy. Other services offered include guided meditations, supplements, a list of books and other useful resources, and online courses. If you would like more information about any of these services, please reach out today, and start doing therapy in North Carolina!