People love to buy self-help books. Did you know that even during a recession, sales of self-help books do not decline? It’s currently a $12 Billion industry, which suggests that we are willing to put our hard-earned money into these books again and again until they help us solve our problems.
Except there is not much evidence that they actually work.
Don’t get me wrong- I have bought and read many of these books and I recommend some of them to my clients all the time. But have any of these books ever really provided you with the lasting change or happiness you’re looking for? Most likely not, because they are usually missing a key ingredient.
So here is a concept I want you to remember for making change that lasts: Less information, more motivation.
Gathering lots of helpful information is awesome (I wouldn’t bother writing blogs if it wasn’t), but if you don’t put it to good use, it’s worthless.
If you wanted to be a professional musician, would it make more sense to read lots of music theory books, or to practice your instrument every day? Similarly, if you want true wellbeing, or if you want your life to change, it’s more about what you actually do than what you know.
People are yearning to be motivated- to feel like what they are doing really matters, to feel the sense of hope that lights the fire in them to keep going. If this sounds like you, I have some thoughts on how you can make the most out of the plethora of self-help information that is out there.
Get clear about your goals, and practice things that move you toward them. If your goal is to feel better, that’s great, but it’s not specific enough. If I could wave a magic wand and you would be “better,” what would it look like? What would you be doing? What would I see that’s different? What would you achieve? Think about short term milestones, and do things that bring you towards them.
Understand the costs of not taking specific actions. I recommend you make two pros and cons lists: one for if you don’t take action, one for if you do. Read them daily if you have to.
Act as if. Let yourself accept that motivation doesn’t always come before action. Often it happens the other way around. By taking actions you start to build the motivation to keep going, especially once you start to see some results. It gets easier from there.
Make it a habit. Bearing number 3 in mind, start to develop habits and routines. For example, if meditating every day is one of your goals for wellbeing, start to get into the habit of doing just a tiny bit every day. It’s always possible to build up from there once a habit is established. Find a regular time and place to practice the skills and concepts that you want to build, and set the intention to do it regularly no matter what (you won’t always succeed at that and that’s ok). Once habits are established, it takes so much less effort to stay active on your goals.
Get help. Find a good therapist, counselor, coach, or friend who can help you stay motivated and accountable for this work. This is one of the most important things you can do. A good helper will give you regular doses of the hope and inspiration that you need to keep going, and they will help guide you along the way. Going it alone is a lot harder.
Use a daily reminder. Remind yourself often of the concept I have coined here: Less information, more motivation. You can use it like a mantra to refocus you on what really matters. Practice implementing strategies and concepts instead of just thinking about them.
We live in a culture that looks to the quick fix to everything with books or mental health tips shared on social media. Somehow, even though these “fixes” always leave us wanting more, we have a hard time moving beyond them. Don’t take it personally. We are overwhelmed with information and most of us haven’t been sufficiently guided by anyone. It’s never too late to start getting on the right track, and guidance is out there. So what can you commit to doing in the next 24 hours to move towards the person you most want to be? What can you commit to doing over the next week? Baby steps are perfectly acceptable, so no matter what you are ready to commit to, pick something and start taking action!
If you feel you need some professional guidance, please reach out to me to inquire about therapy sessions.
Take Care,
Mike - StriveOnCounseling@gmail.com
